


Wishes are for the Desperate

by dreamingofa_ghost



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author regrets nothing, Death, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Steve Angst, Steve Feels, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Needs a Hug, steve gives him one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 21:15:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5263865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingofa_ghost/pseuds/dreamingofa_ghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What do you wish when you look at the stars, Tony?"<br/>"Wish? Why even bother? They never come true anyway."<br/>"That's not true, Tony, and you know it."<br/>"Do I? Wishes are for the desperate, Steve, and I'm not desperate enough to wish."</p><p>Or, in which Steve realizes that he really is desperate enough to wish upon stars, because love does that to you.</p><p>*Warning: my first attempt at a tragic fanfic</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wishes are for the Desperate

It was a cold night.

Freezing, even.

The grass looked dark and bluish under the night sky, and the stars sparkled coldly. Steve used to love those stars. He used to love the feeling of soft grass under his body, tickling the palms of his hand and his bare neck.

In fact, he used to love Star Gazer’s Hill.

***

_"What do you wish when you look at the stars, Tony?"_

_"Wish? Why even bother? They never come true anyway."_

_“That's not true, Tony, and you know it."_

_"Do I? Wishes are for the desperate, Steve, and I'm not desperate enough to wish."_

***

"You were right," Steve said softly. "Wishes are for the desperate."

***

_“What are you doing here?”_

_Steve wasn’t sure if Tony heard his question or not, but waited for his answer patiently anyway._

_“Star gazing. Isn’t that what this place is all about? Star Gazer’s Hill?” Tony’s voice was peaceful and sincere, his posture relaxed and his velvet eyes tracking the stars above._

_“I guess. I didn’t take you for the star-gazing type,” Steve answered honestly. “And here I thought I knew you,” he added._

_Tony gave a slightly bitter laugh. “You don’t know me at all,” he replied. Steve looked around the place, trying to wonder how on earth New York managed to find a secluded, grassy, hilly spot with stars visible and clear from pollution. It was peaceful and quiet, a haven amongst all the traffic, noise, and danger that came in a package of living as an Avenger._

_“Why do they call it Star Gazer’s Hill?” Steve asked, eventually settling down besides Tony._

_Tony turned his head and regarded Steve with heavy-lidded, dark eyes, framed by long, thick, curled lashes. “You don’t know the legend?”_

_“There’s a legend?” Steve found himself asking._

_Tony gave a short laugh. “Hell yes. You honestly don’t know?”_

_Steve gave a slightly embarrassed shrug. “Tell me,” he said, finding it slightly weird that they were sharing a rather intimate moment right now…at least to him._

_“It begins with a boy,” Tony eventually answered, turning his head back to appraise the stars. “A boy who’s alone. A poor, lonely boy who tried finding love, because isn’t that what all the lonely ones do? They try to find love, so that they won’t be so lonely anymore. So that they can_ be _loved.”_

_Steve felt his breath catch, because what? How? How was Tony putting such emotion into this story? Steve decided to stop thinking and to close his eyes, letting himself be swept away with Tony’s breathtaking words._

_“And so this boy wanders for love. He wanders and wanders. Hungry. Starved. Desperate for love. Until”---Tony’s voice tilts a bit---“he stumbles on a place. Hills of fresh grass under a blanket full of stars. There’s a sign that says,_ if you’re a desperate enough, wish. _And he is desperate. And so he wishes._

_He wishes amongst the stars._

_He wishes for love, and he’s so desperate that his heart might’ve split into two._

_But he wishes.”_

_Steve listened attentively on, heart stuttering._

_“Until one day, he finds a girl. A beautiful, lonely girl who wished upon the stars for love.”_

_Steve’s breath came out in a relieved exhale._

_“They wished together and found love together. Do you know what the boy said to the lonely girl Steve? Do you want to know?”_

_“Yes,” Steve heard himself answer._

_“He said, ‘Forever and ever, from the moment we gazed upon the stars, I promise---_

***

“---I will never leave you,” Steve whispered. He closed his eyes and a stray tear leaked out. “You promised,” he sat conversationally to the stars.

They twinkled on merrily.

“You promised. I wished. I was desperate enough. You promised.”

The stars sparkled laughingly at him, mocking him for his foolery.

***

_“Back again?” Tony asked, the side of his mouth quirking. “Is this a regular thing now? Are we meeting on Wednesdays, or Tuesdays?”_

_“Ha ha,” Steve deadpanned and plopped next to Tony._

_They lay in silence._

_“I keep thinking,” Steve began._

_“Oh boy,” Tony said, and Steve silenced him with a patented_ ‘Son-Just-Don’t’ _glare._

_“I keep thinking,” Steve continued, “about the legend. The boy and the girl.”_

_“Ah,” Tony said._

_“I keep thinking that it’s too good to be real,” Steve finished, and turned to look at Tony. Tony’s twitching limbs had gone still, and his eyes seemed to glaze for a moment._

_“Of course it is, Cap,” Tony finally answered. “Because the stars make fool of us, don’t you know? They never answer our wishes. They wait until we’re desperate enough to sell our hearts out to them and they mock us.”_

_“You speak from experience,” Steve said. It wasn’t a question._

_“Yeah,” Tony said, and that was that._

_“Sometimes,” Steve hesitated._

_“Spit it out, Capsicle.”_

_“Sometimes it’s okay to be desperate, you know? Sometimes you can’t help it. Sometimes you need that desperation to propel forward.”_

_“Oh Steve. When you fall in love, you have no choice but to_ be _desperate.”_

***

“Do you remember when you said? ‘When you fall in love, you have no choice but to be desperate’?” Steve’s tone was still light, still playful, but anyone could detect the bitter anguish behind those words. “You make me desperate, Tony Stark. You make me desperate.”

***

_“Hey.”_

_Tony’s shoulders still shook as he tried to swallow back the tears that threatened to overwhelm him._

_“Hey,” Steve repeated softly, a look of heartbreak in his eyes as Tony couldn’t help but let loose a half-sob._

_He climbed up the grassy hill easily and enveloped the smaller man in a hug. “It’s okay,” Steve whispered, and that was when Tony lost it._

_He sobbed, smearing salty tears all over Steve’s white T-shirt._

_He begged for forgiveness, tearing Steve’s heart in the process._

_He screamed at the stars for being so cruel, and Steve just held him on tighter._

_“Pepper,” Tony hiccupped. “Pepper didn’t deserve all this. She didn’t deserve to die. She deserved a chance to live. She deserved life. She…shit, she’s_ dead. _Pepper’s_ dead. _I should’ve been faster. I-the repulsers, Steve, you have to understand! They were tampered, and damn it, if I was just a few seconds faster, I just-”_

_“Shhh,” Steve whispered soothingly, rubbing circles behind Tony’s back._

_“Damn it,” Tony cried. “She…Pepper. Shit. I. I lost the closest thing to a family today, Rogers. Shit. Pepper. My_ family. _She was like_ family _Steve,_ family. _”_

_And then Tony looked up at the stars and shouted, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Virginia Potts, I love you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Pepper babe, I’m so sorry,” he hiccupped._

_Pepper Potts had been like a sister and a mother at the same time to Tony, and the way she died, so suddenly after a fall from the Avengers Tower, had torn a hole in Tony’s heart._

_“I,” gasped Tony. “I’m desperate enough to wish. I’m desperate now. I’m fucking desperate. Let me wish. Let me fucking_ wish _, Rogers!” he shouted, but Steve just held on tighter._

_“I don’t want you to wish, Tony,” he said, voice broken. “Because it’s not going to come true. Pepper isn’t going to come back. Peggy isn’t coming back either. I know how you feel, Tony, I know.”_

_And then, the two loneliest men kissed on Star Gazer’s Hill. “Son of a bitch, don’t you dare leave me Steve Rogers,” Tony growled, cheeks flushed and eyes swollen from crying, drops of tears caught on his lashes. Steve thought he had never looked more beautiful._

_“I promise,” Steve said. “I promise. I swear, I will never leave you Anthony Edward Stark. I will never leave you.”_

***

Looking back, Steve should’ve realized that Tony never promised.

***

_“I love you, you know?” Steve said one day. Tony was under his arm, burrowed and wrapped in a tight jacket. Tufts of dark hair peeked out of his hat, and his eyes were droopy and tired._

_Not anymore, though._

_“Um,” Tony said intelligently, “what.”_

_“I love you,” Steve repeated, earnestly this time._

_“Steve,” said Tony. “Steve.”_

_“I love you, Tony,” Steve continued, determined to finish. “I love your flaws and imperfections. I love you.”_

_“Steve.” Tony’s voice was anguished now._

_“I love you,” Steve said, voice rising. “I love you, Anthony Edward Stark.”_

_“Steve!”_

_Steve shut his mouth._

_“God, Steve,” Tony whispered. “_ Steve. _I…you can’t do that to me. Because. Steve, I’m damaged goods. I-”_

_“Then what are we doing here, Tony?” Steve interrupted. “What are we?”_

_“I…”_

_“Tony,” Steve whispered. “You love me. I know you do.”_

_Tony cradled Steve’s cheek, and after a moment of silence, he answered. “Yeah. Fuck it, but yeah. I do.”_

***

“I never got to say goodbye.”

***

_“He’s gone.”_

_“Dead.”_

_“Bullet went straight through the reactor.”_

_“Died within minutes.”_

_“He asked for you.”_

_Steve barely heard any of those reports. Natasha had locked herself in a room while Clint locked himself up in the training room. Thor was silent, testimony to his grief. Bruce had hulked out._

_“It was Hammer.”_

_“He thought it would be a good way to break up the Avengers.”_

_“Stark was just a consultant anyway, right?”_

_“He asked for you.”_

_This was too sudden._

_“He was in Star Gazer’s Hill. Do you know why he was there, Mr. Rogers?”_

_“He had been in Star Gaze’s Hill for over an hour.”_

_“Mr. Rogers, Tony Stark asked for you.”_

_Star Gazer’s Hill. He was supposed to meet Tony in Star Gazer’s Hill. But Fury. Fury had kept him in the meeting, telling him that Stark would understand his lateness._

_After all, Stark approved._

_“Anthony Edward Stark found dead in Star Gazer’s Hill, shot by Rafael Ahmaad, terrorist and sniper.”_

_“…the question remains, what was Tony Stark, billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist (not necessarily in that order) doing in Star Gazer’s Hill?”_

_This was the last time Steve would associate with SHIELD._

_“Captain Rogers, Anthony Edward Stark asked for you.”_

***

It was a cold night.

Freezing, even.

The grass looked dark and bluish under the night sky, and the stars sparkled coldly. Steve used to love those stars. He used to love the feeling of soft grass under his body, tickling the palms of his hand and his bare neck.

In fact, he used to love Star Gazer’s Hill.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry if I made you cry. Don't hate me, I just felt like writing something tragic.  
> If you lovelies comment, you'd make my day~


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